Today was mostly unimportant. Lots of crazy customers, though.
I have one coworker from Poland who is completely outspoken. She has very little tact, and it cracks me up. It also amuses her that I will laugh at things that others consider "bitchy."
Tonight, at the end of her shift, I simply said, "Yeah. I was wondering when you were going to get the hell out of here." I counted this comment as cheesy work humor. Ms. Poland and I laughed. A manager happened to be standing there and looked at me like she was afraid I was about to be shot. Ms. Poland actually laughed harder when she saw the manager's facial expression.
For some reason, all the other employees are deathly afraid of this woman. However, she just has no tact and will straight up tell it to you like it is. I trained the new employees to get along with her by saying, "Give her shit. It's hilarious because she usually takes it seriously." Ms. Poland was standing right there (I think I actually interrupted her mid-serious-training-speech). She has a wicked sense of humor that other people don't give her credit for.
We get along because she knows I respect her knowledge of the store. She also knows I work my ass off. I don't know... I guess I'm really PROUD that I get along with her so well. Some days she says things that I could totally use to cut myself down. And she's kinda mean about the way she says it. But I also know that she will back me up any time I need it. She's just as straight forward about telling me when she thinks I'm doing a good job.
I've brought this woman up multiple times when talking to my case manager. I want to be more like Ms. Poland. Is it odd that I want to be more like someone that most of my coworkers are seriously intimidated by? She's honest. No doubt. And she doesn't care how anyone else feels about her honesty. She trusts herself enough not to let others' opinions affect her. I think that's fairly awesome. I'm working on sprinkling some tact in there to create a real-world working personality.
Yes. Hn. Yes. I'm currently working on pasting together a public persona for myself based on people I respect. This effort is supported by mental health staff. Seems strange, huh? But it's working really well. It got me an A++ review and raise at one job, and it's got me training new employees at the other.
And it doesn't feel "fake." Sometimes I have to force it, but usually I fall right into the act, and it's comfortable after a couple of seconds. There are still issues with conflict, though. When someone directly opposes/accuses/confronts me, then I want to cave like a Joplin house too soon?
This whole training thing is becoming an issue. I've become a "role model." Ish. I tend to crash under expectations. However, oddly enough, if no one expects anything of me then I'm totally brilliant. That's why I tend to be fast-tracked for things... but then dropped soon after. Actually, I usually run away soon after. So, I'm in a danger zone right now.
The difference this time, though, is that I've been totally comfortable looking completely clueless. I'm gaining an odd amount of confidence from saying, "I don't know" and "let's try this."
Right. That was the post born of "Today was mostly unimportant." When things aren't happening, my brain runs haywire. Sorry.